Tuesday, November 13, 2012

things i plan on doing differently the second time around.

You know how motherhood just comes so naturally to some?  They are just born to be mothers & catch on to everything so gracefully?  Yeah, that wasn't me.  I was never even really a "baby person" before I had Aubrey.  I knew I wanted to be a mom & I had a strong testimony about eternal families but other people's babies?  Ehh.  They were cute & all ... but I wasn't first in line begging to hold them.  I don't remember changing a single diaper in my life before Aubrey's at the hospital.  I could count on two hands how many times I babysat, & I remember not really enjoying it much when I did.  

Then came my urge to want to be a mother.  We hadn't even been married a year.  Steve & I had always said, "a few years after we're married", thinking we would be so busy & be having so much fun being newlyweds we would want to wait for kids.  But the urge hit hard & after praying about it & going to the temple - we knew it wasn't just baby fever.  I immediately became that "baby person" - but not for just any baby.  For MY baby.  My future tiny little miracle that I hadn't created or met yet.  Long story short - took us nearly a year to conceive, miscarried, then got pregnant with our Aubrey Jane two short months later.  It's amazing how you don't have to be a "baby person" whatsoever to be completely infatuated & obsessed with your own kids.  

Aubrey came & she immediately became our whole world - but I still didn't know what the heck I was doing.  I was told things would just come naturally.  The only thing that truly came naturally was loving & nurturing her.  Everything else?  I was a new-mommy train wreck.  Thank heavens for a good support system!  I spent so much time in the first few days being so stressed out & I'm so determined to have things be a bit easier this time around. 

  I realize this was a long-winded introduction to a really simple post - but I just wanted to list some things that I plan on doing different this time around with baby #2, now that I'm a veteran mama that DOES know what she's doing, sort of.  It's not that I really regret the way I did things with Aubrey (she turned out pretty darn amazing in my book!), but mostly these are just things that will help me be more relaxed & allow me to enjoy motherhood more during those magical first few weeks.

+ Not have as many visitors in the hospital.  I hope people won't be too hurt by this one, but I think it will be crucial for my sanity. :) I love our family & friends more than anything, but besides immediate family, I'm going to wait until we get home to have visitors.  I got absolutely no sleep at the hospital the nights I stayed there & could barely function.  We had a lot of visitors & I just wanted to sleep. Every time someone would leave & I'd begin to drift off, a new visitor was on their way.  I remember sobbing but just felt too bad to say no, but this time I'm confident people will understand.  Mama's gotta get her sleep.

+ Take more videos!  We did a great job of getting thousands of pictures of Aubrey throughout her first year, but the videos are few and far between.  I LOVE watching her old videos but sadly that aren't too many.  So, I plan on doing better with that - and it should be easy since I have a video camera right on my phone.

+ Go on a BIG Costco grocery trip right before baby comes.  I want to have groceries for at least a month so I won't have to worry.  (The thought of shopping with two babies makes me sweat.)

+ Relax about breastfeeding.  Of course I'm going to try again, but if it just doesn't work out - I'm not going to beat myself up like last time.  And if it does work out?  I vow to not to write or post any self righteous posts about it or even worse - nursing photos.

+ Have a BIG box by my bed of all the things I need for night feeds - including snacks and water bottles for me.  I don't know how many times I made my poor husband go to the kitchen to get me stuff in the middle of the night.  (Couldn't walk easily for a while due to those blasted episiotomy stitches).

+ To actually sleep when the baby sleeps.  Drop the urge to be super mom at first and forego getting ready & cleaning during nap time. And if I'm feeling rather frivolous, maybe even hire a house cleaner to come once during that first month.

+ Absolutely DO NOT bleach my hair at home thinking it will save trips to the salon.  Oh my goodness - my life's biggest hair fail.

+ Don't even look at my stomach for a while.  Nothing good comes from looking at your newly post baby belly.  Nothing!

+ Learn how to swaddle.  I could never do it like the nurses & Aubrey would always escape.  Maybe that's why she was the worst sleeper ever! (Love you Aubs)

+  Totally accept any offers for meals, playing with Aubrey, cleaning, anything!

+ Accept that I'm going to be a crazy person for the first couple of weeks.  Those plummeting hormones do a number on you!  I cried so much those first couple of weeks - emotional because time was going by fast, nursing troubles, PAIN, for no reason at all, & sometimes just because my baby was so dang beautiful & I couldn't believe I was a mom.  SO many tears.  I even remember I had a visitor that came and held Aubrey for like two hours & when she left I sobbed because I felt like I lost so much time with my baby.  I'm gonna be a basket case again I'm sure, & that's okay. It does pass eventually. :)

+ Invest in some cute sweat pant/hoodie sets.  Super comfortable & easy nursing access, but still cute so I don't feel completely drab when people come over.

+ Most importantly - remember that the first few weeks fly by so disgustingly fast, & to just relax & enjoy the time with my both of my sweet baby girls.  


  1. If I may, I'll add a few tips that helped me too when baby #2 came.
    I made a bunch of freezer meals a month or two before she was born. We were brought some meals and my mom came and helped, but after everyone left was when life really got busy and those freezer meals saved me BIG time!
    Good job on deciding to say no to visitors. You will not regret it! Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. My RS presidency told me before I left for Idaho to have Annabelle that if I needed or wanted meals when I got home to call them. When we got home she was almost 2 weeks old and I didn't want to ask for help, but finally humbled myself and realized I needed it and it's always good to give people a chance to serve. So glad I called them.
    Don't worry though, you'l be great :)

    1. I was thinking about doing freezer meals, I need to get serious about it before it's too late! Thanks Brittany :)

  2. yay for swaddling!! i swear by it...do you have an muslin blankets (like Aden & Anais ones) or my all time favorite the Miracle Blanket... seriously saved me so much sanity!! I was the same as you 1st time around, i had no idea what was involved in taking care of a baby!! the 2nd time around came so much more natural to me, only now i had to figure out how to be a mom to two!! ;)

    1. Ooh I've never heard of the miracle blanket! Sounds like a must buy !

  3. I had many of the same things on my "doing things different" list when I had my Aubrey Grace. ESPECIALLY the visitors thing- man can I relate! Gotta respectfully disagree about the nursing pics. I'm a birth Doula and I happen to LOVE stuff like that lol! I do feel that when done right, they can be beautiful and tasteful. Just my humble opinion ;) Anywho, yes, yes, yes on the freezer meals! Such a good idea! Oh and totally LOL'd at the not looking at your stomach! I vowed the same for baby #2 and honestly, when you go into it knowing you're body won't be the same atleast at first, you tend to handle it way better. I freaked the 1st time round! Definitely say yes to ALL offers of help and take it all in Lisa! You've got great ideas on this list and you'll do wonderfully.

    1. Thanks Andria! I'm hoping it all goes smooth :) And I totally agree, some nursing photos are lovely - just not my cup of tea, & you own't catch me dead doing it! Wayy too shy lol :)

  4. Thank you for sharing about how long it took to conceive with Aubrey. My husband and I are a young couple as well and we are on month 6 of TTC. It's really hard to see all our friends and family getting pregnant right away and we didn't. Even though we have our age, it doesn't make it easy. We are healthy and happy but it's still hard to wait till that positive pregnancy test. So it's just nice to hear another young healthy couple that didn't get pregnant right away but eventually conceiving and now on baby number 2!

    I will say though, breast are too nurture your child. It's okay to take photos. It's a beautiful thing. :)

    - Carly

    1. It's hard when you're so young and you feel like it should happen quickly. Sorry that it's taking a while, it's really hard, especially when everyone and their mom are getting pregnant! Good luck girl..

      OH and I totally agree with you about breastfeeding - just not going to post pics for the world to see.

  5. I LOVE this list!! I am not pregnant with #2 yet but we are hoping to get pregnant soon and I have been thinking about all the things I would also do different! I think the cute sweats was my favorite. I felt so gross after my first pregnancy and wearing anything "normal" was simply out of the question (I had stitches as well). I hate looking back on the pictures with my son to see myself wearing my husband's basketball shorts. So super unflattering! Cute sweats are a MUST for my next time around. Also, I prepare freezer meals now just for those days that I don't feel like cooking and they are amazing! Those will definitely be prepared before #2 comes...I felt like we were eating take-out way too often because we were so busy taking care of our new baby. Anyways, great list and I can't wait to see your new baby girl!

    Stephanie @ www.braydenmakesthree.blogspot.com

    1. Glad you liked the list Stephanie! Yes, I'm planning on getting some cute ones from VS - the "Pink" section. LOVE those!

  6. As a soon to be first time mama, I'm super appreciative of this post! Good pointers on what to do and what not to do, thanks Lisa!

  7. Love this list. At Babies R US they sell swaddles with velcro on them. Normal swaddling blankets are only good for one thing, IMO, catching spit up! You have to get the microfleece velcro kind!

    And totally agree with you about not looking at your stomach, LOL! Its just so depressing. No woman on post pregnancy hormones can realistically handle such a sight!

  8. You have experience on your side so hopefully it will be more enjoyable and just as sweet with your second girl!
    I am not sure I have ever read a self-righteous post about breastfeeding but I hope you enjoy that experience too, whether it takes or not!
    Good luck this time around!

  9. I need to make a list too! I'm currently expecting #2 and our daughter is 6. Some of it's coming back to me, but I need a refresher course. A list of things I want to change will definitely be helpful. I'm a new follower to your blog and I love it! Look forward to reading more from you!

  10. I love this!! I think you totally are correct in all those things! From just going through it, I already have a small list of what "NOT" to do for the next time around and things to do MORE of with our new little one. So thanks for the reminders!

    The visitors thing is SO TRUE. We had people constantly at the hospital and it was so exhausting. Not to mention, it was hard seeing this precious little baby being passed around all day, I barely got to hold him until visiting hours were over.

    I'd definitely take all the help you can get like you said with food, babysitting, etc. We had lots of people bring meals and it was AMAZING! I can't imagine what I would have done that first week without the help we had. Gunner was so early we didn't have a chance to get all our grocery shopping done like we had planned (like you are planning)- so the help from others was amazing that first week.

    Thanks for tip on videos, we only have a couple but HUNDREDS of photos, so I'll be sure to start the videos going more often ;)

    You're going to be great Lisa. You're such an amazing mama to Aubrey, I can't even imagine you having a hard time the 2nd time around. I'm so excited for you, and best of luck in all your planning! Xoxo!